[excerpted from “The Decline and Fall of the Word ‘Douchebag’”, Will Conley’s Random Things. the “shithole basement apartment in Alphabet City” was my home.]

…I daresay ‘Douchebag’ has been in decline for nigh on some goodly time, now, I would imagine. Why, upon my word, at my last high society function in a shithole basement apartment in Alphabet City, I heard the word ‘douchebag’ on eleven, perhaps twelve different occasions, not counting the use of the ‘douchebag automatic.’

Davidhoffenmeister cleared his throat:

“‘Douchebag automatic’, William? Whatever do you mean?”

I was like:

“Douchebag automatic. ‘Tis when your ‘mate’ says ‘douchebag’ three dozen times in the telling of a single droll anecdote.”…